I never used to tell this story about myself, but it’s such an important moment in my life that I feel I need to share it with people whose ear (or, in this case, eye!) I have the good fortune to catch, however briefly. I always hope my telling it will make a difference in someone’s life. If I even touch one person and help them avoid what happened to me, then it’s more than worth it.
When I was in college at the Fashion Institute of Technology in NYC studying textile design, a group of textile students – women of all sizes and shapes, decided to try out for the fashion model workshop. We had many friends in the fashion design program, and it seemed like it would be fun! Some of us were accepted, much to our delight, and we quickly realized that most of the other women in the workshop were extremely slender – that was the age when the “ideal” female model form was to be a virtual stick figure. We thought, “Wow! We need to do some serious dieting!” – sadly, including me. So I starved myself down to 110 pounds.
When I got to that weight, I was so brain-washed that I thought, “Damn, I look gooood!” But the truth was I was miserable, exhausted, my skin was breaking out, and I really missed the thing that made me the most happy in life: eating high quality whole foods.
What still shocks me is realizing that I might have kept on that path of semi-starvation, had it not been for my father. One day he took me aside and looked at me with a very serious expression, and said, “if anything ever happens to you, I couldn’t live another day.” I knew what he was talking about, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Whoa, that brought me back to reality but quick!
I had taken on someone else’s belief that the only way to look “good” and fit in was through diet and deprivation, to do what everyone else was doing. I had stopped listening to my internal wisdom, that voice inside me that said, “This is wrong.”
That experience was life-altering for me.
I had traded what I knew was right – eating well – for a chance to look like a bunch of very unhealthy-looking women. What I also know now is just how lucky I am to have dodged what could have been a very serious eating disorder.
So I got my priorities straightened out, and got back to basics – fortunately, I knew what those were! They are the same principles I now teach my clients:
- I started eating well and re-discovering the connection between great food and health
- I tapped into my intuition, and for the first time in a long time could “hear” my body telling me what it needs
- I added a dash of mindfulness and intention, which helped greatly in ending the cycle of restriction and deprivation
- I experienced that by giving myself permission to have certain so-called “bad” foods, I actually ate much less of them
- I re-created the habit of eating well and using food as a positive in my life
Once I had restored my own health,
my eyes were now opened in a new way.
I now saw how some of my friends and loved ones were living with patterns of ongoing self-abuse, following fad diets and deprivation in order to look “healthy” as it was misleadingly defined by the popular culture.
I was dismayed to discover how many of them:
- had boundary issues that showed up in their relationship with food
- suffered from deprivation that led to binge eating, emotional eating and leading a life of lies about their diets
- were living on the diet-go-round, obsessing about calories and feeling guilty every time they “cheated”
- used fanatical exercise routines as a “big pink eraser” to “undo” the food choices that caused all the guilt
- felt chronic remorse for “failing” at staying on the diets they thought were supposed to be helping
After that awakening, I became driven to spread the word about how important it is . That’s when I became absolutely inspired to help as many women as I can to understand that you can look great, feel great, enjoy all the foods you love and still lose weight. In fact, I made it my life’s mission.
I want all women to KNOW that it’s possible to be a “foodie” –
a person who adores food, and loves to eat –
and at the same time to be truly healthy and not obsessed about their weight.
The key is to better understand the basics of different foods and your body’s needs, and to be mindful of the foods you choose to eat as well as your relationship with them.